Hi, I'm Xine La Fontaine and I'm a Sex Coach for Entrepreneurial Couples on a Mission.
I help you thrive in your Bedroom, so that you can thrive in your business.
I know what it's like to get so focused on your business that your bedroom fun falls faaaaar behind in the list of priorities... Throw a couple of kids into the mix, you've got a lot of action in the household!
But maybe not the action you've been daydreaming about, and that when ignited, can become a brilliant source of energy, creative genius and powerful momentum for you, your relationship and for your business's success.
I've created this 5-Step Guide to Initiating Sex, so that when the moment strikes, it becomes a true source of inspiration. An invitation into greater depth within your couple, as opposed to an energy battle that goes nowhere and leaves you both disappointed, fearful or drained.
Please don't hesitate to share this guide with your friends or partner if it feels right!
Before I jump in, I want to share that there's nothing “wrong” with you, if you've been doing the upcoming steps “differently” than what I'm suggesting.
We aren't taught these things in school and we all have to start somewhere. You're here, reading this post and you're ready to step into this new version of your sexy self, with great intentions for your couple. This is beautiful, and I want to spread a wave of gratitude for your courageous spirit.
Alright, let's get those sexy steps started.
Your 5-Step Tantric Guide to Initiating Sex for Couples
Experience your Partner as a God / Goddess.
Let's realign those intentions. If you're coming at this from a space of wanting to “get something from your partner”, the energy is more challenging right from the start.
How would you approach your partner, if he/she was a God or Goddess?
Would you sit there, tapping your watch to let them know that it's been a while since your last roll in the hay, so they better get on it? Or would you approach with honor, reverence and full respect for their being, for their greatness?
Bring yourself into alignment with these thoughts first and foremost. Remember this aspect within each other, and you'll be opening yourself up to sexy moments ahead!
Approach from a space of already being fulfilled.
A little secret... neediness isn’t the most empowered state to be in. And more often than not, it doesn't come off as very sexy either. Of course, we all have those moments from time to time, and there's nothing wrong with that. But this is more likely a part of you that needs to be nurtured from within before coming into the adult space that you're seeking to play in. It generally doesn't tend to lead to the most amazing results in the bedroom (or in our business for that matter!).
And the best way to shift from a mode of expectation that your partner “needs to be fulfilling something” is to make sure you're approaching from a space of “I'm already quite satisfied, but I want you here, right now”.
Now THAT is hot!!
And HOW do you get fulfilled?
Unless you're already in a clear and communicated open relationship, I'm definitely not going to suggest that you go find your mojo by getting fulfilled through other people...
I will however suggest a dedicated self practice. And I'm not just talking about a quick unsatisfying rub down in the shower either. I'm speaking of intentional body-based sexual practices.
Read some books about Taoist Sexual Energy Practices. Try some Tantric techniques.
Get in touch with me, if you're seeking assistance in this arena (for yourself or for your couple), to learn tools and practices that will skyrocket this process and invigorate your bedroom!
Wherever you choose to receive your practices from... Be sure to include this as an important part of your regular self care and empowerment! Body loves this.
Get out of your head and into your body.
Move away from imagining how you'll be undressing your partner, what it will look like, etc.
Come back into now.
Move away from doing your shopping list in your head or what you'll eat for dinner...
Feel all of your 5-Senses one by one until you can experience them all.
Feel what your body feels like, right now. How does your skin feel? How does your heart feel?
If you catch yourself getting into your mind, worrying about how he/she'll react, what to do / say... keep coming back to the body and sensations. Into presence.
Approach with curiosity.
Again, if you get into your head or those expectations start coming back into the picture, it's OK, simply keep come back into the now, to your body's sensations.
Great sex can be ecstatic, it can be liberating, it can be transcendent. But for this to happen, we need to find that openness, with total curiosity, to what will arise in the moment.
The minute we become fixated into a particular goal, things become rigid one-sided.
We want to keep the energy flowing and the compassion wide open! Becoming receptive to the experience. Whatever that looks like.
Feel into your partner's energy while remaining centred in how your body feels. See if you can become even more open and receptive to how your partner is responding to any physical touch. What are they feeling as you approach them? Are they receptive energetically?
Adjust your actions accordingly.
Remember that your partner is not you. They have their own preferred ways of being approached, touched, tantalized. And these can shift drastically from day to day! So don't take it personally if what you tried didn't give you the results you were hoping for at first. Stay curious and try something new!
If sex isn't in the game play this evening, always honor your partner's no. This is sacred. There's a reason. Less pushing leads to more trust.
The more trust is created, the safer it feels to open up sexually. The safer it feels to open up sexually, the more lusty evenings you'll be enjoying moving forward! This is key.
Step Five: Open your process with a communication tool.
There are a few ways to disentangle some of the tensions around initiating sex, and one of them is by opening up with a vulnerability communication process first, especially if you're in a long-term relationship.
This allows some of the old energy to come up and be released, so that you can move into deeper intimacy. This is a great practice if you feel some resistance coming on. But remember, you're not doing this communication tool to “get some”, you're entering with full acceptance of whatever arises with your God or Goddess!
Simply have a back and forth conversation where one of you listens without interrupting the other who is speaking.
You can share 3 things you would love to experience in bed.
Or Share what your Desires, Fears and Loves are for each other.
Keep this verbal communication session and space sacred.
Don't interrupt or become reactive when they speak their truth. Stay centred and if needed, have a conversation later on, gently around atopic that triggered you.
Reverse the roles so you both get a turn to speak and receive.
OK let's recap, to be sure everything is clear:
1- Be intentional, approach with respect, as if your partner is a God / Goddess.
2- Be sure to approach from a fulfilled yet desiring space.
3- Get into your body, into presence.
4- Stay curious, drop the expectations, remain open to whatever arises.
5- Open with a communication session. Be honest and open about your desires.
And most of all, enjoy yourselves!
Challenges along the way are normal, and OK. You might be breaking through patterns of initiation that have been in place for years! So your first try might not look as sexy as you want it to... Stay open and communicative about it, and you'll find your groove.
You've got this. And as I've already mentioned, if you need some assistance, get in touch!
I love working with couples, so feel free to schedule a no pressure Connection Call here and we can see if we're a right fit to work towards a shared ecstasy & empowerment within your couple, as well as within your business!